Where the Heart Is...

Having just returned from seeing Nate in Mississippi, I have a newfound appreciation and understanding of the term, "Home is where the heart is." It seems so cliche, but I've discovered that it is so very true...
My trip started out on a small plane heading for Memphis, from where I had a connecting flight to Mississippi to see Nate for a few days before he leaves this week for "the place we shall not name." I've done my fair share of traveling over the years, but rarely on my own. I found myself fidgeting in my seat, restless at the anticipation of flying without anyone accompanying me on my journey. After about an hour of this, I desperately wanted to find a way to entertain myself, and ended up singing (silently of course) "99 bottles of beer on the wall" in time for our descent.
Looking out the window nervously, I noticed how beautiful everything looked. Like an enormous patchwork quilt of fields and forests, it was blocked in varying shades of brown and  green with ribbons of dark grey blue streams snaking through it. I sat back and sighed, realizing just how small I am in this vast and beautiful country and how very alone I felt. After my connecting flight delivered me to my final destination, I picked up my rental car and headed for the Naval base to meet Nate.
We spent the next three days enjoying our time together, exploring the sights, and talking more than we had in years. We encountered a multitude of amazingly kind and generous people during those few days, who talked to us, asked us where we were from (our accents must have stood out ) and showed their appreciation for Nate's service. It's incredibly humbling when someone thanks both of us, shakes both our hands, and says they'll pray for Nate and our family.
One person in particular, I will never forget. We visited Keesler Air Force Base to do some shopping and when we were about to leave, Nate noticed a small booth where an elderly woman had tables set up, selling handmade fabric books. There were two in particular that we really liked, and after a few moments, we decided only to purchase one (on a budget, you know). After talking to her for a few minutes and explaining where we were from, and sharing about Nate's deployment, she asked us which other book we had liked and weren't able to decide on. I sheepishly pointed it out, saying that they were indeed all very beautiful. The woman reached over, picked up the book, rolled it up, and placed it in the zip-lock bag with the one we had purchased. Shocked and incredibly embarrassed, I said, "you don't have to do that" to which she replied, "You know what, don't worry about it. I didn't sacrifice much to make these, and you are sacrificing so much." Tears instantly welled up in both our eyes, and I started crying, hugging the woman tightly, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. She then hugged Nate tightly, tearing up herself, and said she would pray for us.
Visiting Nate and sharing these experiences with him has been bittersweet. I arrived back at the house tonight, noticing it's feeling of emptiness and that it doesn't quite feel like home without him. Home is where the heart is, where the people you love reside. It doesn't matter where you are, but that you're together. For now, home is here with the girls even though Nate is gone. Although it feels incomplete, I know that upon his return, this house will feel like home again. Until then, I will piece together my very own patchwork of memories and stories to share with him, quilting them together for his return home.

Arrivals and Departures

Every day is a journey, or so they say. Life is filled with constant changes in travel, in phases of our existence. I like to think of it as a constant flow of arrivals and departures. We arrive at the completion of one life experience, and race through the terminal in time to depart on the next.
My life before marriage and children was one of those phases, a journey of self discovery and hopes of an exciting future. After leaving home for college, I embarked on that journey, departed for parts unknown and hoped for a safe and eventful arrival in my imagined future life. The funny thing about life is that we really don't have as much control as we'd like to think we do. We think we have it all figured out, and then there's a change in the itinerary, and the real driver behind that wheel takes us to parts unknown, to a future we never imagined.
After arriving (or so I thought) to the college experience I had dreamed of, I spent three years wandering aimlessly through classes, parties, and other nonsense, only to depart for home.
I left school on a new journey, one meant for recovery and healing, something unexpected and not exactly what I had planned for. What I found when I arrived home was just that: safety, familiarity, security, and ultimately happiness. That journey brought me to my family, my friends, and ultimately my husband, and now two beautiful little girls. That departure from what I thought I wanted, only helped me to arrive to where I am now, where I know I'm meant to be.
And so, we depart again, on a new excursion, a trip to parts unknown, as Nate is deployed. I can surely say that it's not one I'm looking forward to, but one I know we have to make. As with everything else in life, we'll face it head on, take it as it comes, deal with it the best we can, and try to survive through it. Because at this point, that's all we can do. Through it all, I hope to become a stronger person, a better mom for my girls, and an even better wife for my husband who is sacrificing it all. Life is a journey no matter what the destination, how we get there, or when we arrive. It may not be pretty, people, but I know I will have survived through it one way or another; I will have arrived.