Adapt and Overcome
I feel as though I've ALWAYS had a job, and quite frankly, I'm not sure if I know who I am without one. Quitting my nursing job was very liberating, but also nuts, not just financially, but in terms of identity. Who would I be without my position as a nurse? I suddenly felt slightly inadequate, as if I was less than who I had been before. Would being a SAHM be enough? What on earth could I do to contribute financially? I was overwhelmed with questions and concerns. Nevertheless, I chose to jump into my new role as SAHM with gusto at the beginning of summer, only to realize that as usual, my timing was NOT ideal......at all.
Some sayings come to mind like "ignorance is bliss" and "hindsight is 20/20." I certainly hadn't taken into consideration the fact that with school out, all THREE of the girls would be home, and that would lead to what I call "Clash of the Siblings." If there ever is a "next time" I'll be sure to take school into consideration. I busied myself trying to complete all 100 of the projects I never had time to do before when I had a full-time job. I put in a garden, weeded my garden beds regularly, made numerous task lists, cleaned, organized, re-organized, purged, held garage sales (yes, SALES), and made more lists. Eventually, I overwhelmed myself. I crumbled.
Now, I'm not usually one to admit failure. In fact, I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, and can't handle accepting defeat. I had however, defeated myself; I basically drove myself into the ground trying to do it all. I was unable to adapt to my new circumstances. The funny thing is, I'm realizing that's just part of who I am. I can't help myself. I have SO many things that I love to do, that I truly want to accomplish them all. Soon, as summer came to a close and the start of school came near, I felt relieved.
The sudden realization that two of my three girls would be in school gave me room to breathe (between tears of sadness and feelings of sheer guilt, of course) because I knew that I would have what I was desperately wanting, and in need of: time. Time to work on my side-businesses and hobbies, time for coffee dates and play-dates, and time with my youngest who is no longer a baby. Knowing that Fall was near, gave me hope, and a sense of calm. I no longer feared the change, but embraced it, appreciating what it might bring, and after the past three months I was ready. I felt I could overcome the summer and face the fall season with optimism.
In the rush of living life, getting married, working full-time and having three kids, I realized that I never really just had time to just live and enjoy the people and things that I love. I would imagine that we all feel this way at some point, that life gets away from us, and that "time flies." Before we know it our lives have gone by so fast we hardly believe that we lived it. I am glad that despite my doubts, I made my choice to stay home. I've been able to spend time with my girls, craft, do things that I love, work my side-businesses, and enjoy life. The arrival of the Autumn season is one that I am embracing with open arms and with hope and anticipation of what's in store; whatever happens, I know I'll just have to "Adapt and Overcome."
