Shadows and Gravity

Relationships are very important to me, both personal and professional. I'm someone who truly values my relationships with others, and works hard to always remind myself of the value and importance of the connections I have with those I love. I have had my share of friends, best friends, frenemies, and fair-weather friends, relationships which have all changed over the years, some of which have grown and matured, and others which have withered away into nothingness.
Over the years, I have come to the conclusion that "Fair-Weather" friends are the worst of all.  Like a shadow, a fair-weather friend is present when the conditions are favorable. You can only see them when the sun is shining and things are great. They follow your every move, do the things that you do, go where you go, act as you might act; they will even have the same friends that you do. It's almost hard to shake them sometimes. That is, until things get dark and dreary. When the sunny times are gone, when the bright happy glow of your friendship (or life) has faded and things are gloomy, suddenly that shadow-of-a-friend is nowhere to be found. In an instant, they've disappeared, and when you need them the most they just aren't there. "Fair-Weather" friends are the worst, because you never know how long your relationship will last and you're always waiting for that unexpected, un-forcasted storm to arrive. It is during these storms when it seems as though they've completely abandoned you, leaving you all alone to fend for yourself, to find your way in the dark when it's pouring out and you feel like you're drowning.
I've experienced several of these "seasonal" changes in my relationships which has been difficult. Ultimately, we become quite attached to our "shadows." They become a part of us, a reflection of ourselves and to lose that means losing part of who we are, or who we think we should be. It's hard to loose that person that's so close to you, so connected to you, that you feel no one else will know you quite as well.
Stormy weather doesn't have to be the end. Like any storm, the sun shines again and often results in something beautiful. Whether or not your shadow has left you, it never rains for too long. The darkness fades and the light returns, only to bring new things into your life. I've realized that friends, true lifelong friends last through the best and worst times. They, like Gravity, are a constant and ever-present force in our lives, no matter what the weather. They are there to smile with you when it's sunny, cry with you when it's raining, keep you warm when it's snowing, keep you calm when it's storming, and although they may fade slightly when it's cloudy, they're always there when you need them.
 True friends are priceless to me and I've been blessed to have several in my life. Like a favorite sweater, they are comforting, and reliable, keeping me warm and helping me feel safe. Like Gravity, they keep us grounded and true to ourselves. The funny thing is, your best friends aren't the ones who look like you, talk, or even dress like you, or who do the same things you do. They aren't attached to your every move like the dark and unreliable shadow, but are a separate and independent presence. In my case, my closest friends are all very different  people, but share one very special thing in common: acceptance. They are the friends that love you for who you are no matter what, no matter how stormy the weather. They are the life vest during your darkest hour, and in the most turbulent waters, helping you keep your head above water. The stormiest and most uncertain times in life can sometimes be the most insightful, helping us to realize what's most important, and to realize how blessed we really are.
And so, I've decided to release my shadows, to free myself of those "Fair-Weather Friends." To them, I must say sorry, to the true friends, I say thank you. Because in the sunniest of days and most turbulent storms, I'd much rather have gravity than a fickle shadow...

"Full Hands"

My first born, Avery is almost three. In fact, she more often than not, seems as though she's almost three, going on ten or some other much older age. She's always saying funny things, and seems wise beyond her mere twenty-two months of age.
Being a single parent means being able to juggle absolutely everything at once. I'm like a circus clown, clumsily balancing and tossing around the responsibilities of work, childcare, church, grocery shopping, winterizing the house, getting gas, paying bills, doing the banking, getting the oil changed, and planning my juggling routine for the next day...and being the lone ranger means I dare not drop anything.
Any mom will know that having kids means constantly picking up the trail of disaster, the perpetual mess that follows them anywhere they go. I am always picking up something, just in time for another thing to hit the ground; the tidiness never lasts long, believe me. Sometimes, it's just one other thing you have to stop juggling with, and allow to drop to the ground. Otherwise, you just might exhaust yourself.
Avery often asks me for something, or to hold her in the midst of this tidying-up, to which I reply, "Avery, I can't right now, my hands are full." Being an almost-three-year-old, she tends to rephrase things, stating them in her own new way. I asked her to pick up her toys the other day only to find her shaking her head from side-to-side. Holding a few toys in her hands, she emphatically declared, "No mommy, I can't! I have FULL HANDS!"
 I stopped, realizing suddenly that she had learned this from me, had watched me, and heard me say this to her. What I really mean to say of course, is that I can't at that moment, but might in a few once I'm done with what I'm doing. I realized that I don't want to make her feel as though I don't have time for her, but that once I'm done with my juggling act, I'm all hers. At this point, hardly anyone is here to see our mess, so I'm choosing to drop the ball, so to speak, and allow the mess to be for the time being. After all, it will be there tomorrow. For now, I'll continue my precarious juggling act alone and hope to keep the rest of the balls in the air...and if I fail, if I drop a few, it's no big deal....I'll just pick them back up again, and get back to juggling another day.